shiraglassman asked: I am curious if the demisexuality call requires explicit declarations of demisexual identity to separate it from the existing literary trope of "young women's sexuality is ALREADY inherently dependent on forming emotional closeness" (you know, the way existing literary tropes also like to assume all teenage boys are horny all the time, erasing any boy on the ace spectrum?) If it does, does that then therefore mean only fiction set after the invention of the word is accepted for this call?
The short answer is that as long as it’s clear they identify as demisexual (or otherwise LGBTQ+/MOGAI) and meet our other guidelines, it’s something we’ll consider.
The long answer is that I think you’re confusing sexual attraction with an actual active desire to physically have sex for that trope. You can be sexually attracted to someone and not want to physically have sex with them right that minute. You don’t stop being sexually attracted to someone when you’re in public or around your mother, for example, but you do stop actively wanting to have sex (I hope). You might dream or fantasize about having sex with someone or maybe get all hot and bothered thinking about having sex with them before you’re actually ready to have sex with them.
Does that make sense?
The trope is that girls don’t get to the actually want to physically have sex part until they have an emotional attachment. But they still fantasize. Even if it’s not fantasies about penetrative sex, they fantasize about erotic kisses and that sort of thing.
But a demisexual person wouldn’t experience any sort of sexual attraction without that emotional connection. So they wouldn’t even get to the dream/fantasize phase without an emotional connection while an allosexual girl might fantasize about someone she thought was hot even if she didn’t know them.
(As a note, I am asexual. This is completely theoretical to me. If you’re demisexual and you feel I have something wrong, please step in and correct me.)
mostly-spiders asked: Do you know of any ace beta readers? I'm working on a submission with an ace main character but I want to make sure said character is realistic and relatable. I'm not friends with any ace people (that I know of) so hopefully you can help :)
I don’t. I would recommend you ask in writing groups/boards and in places where ace people hang out that are open to allosexuals as well. (Do NOT go into an ace safe space uninvited.)
You may be able to ask on Tumblr as well.
ghostinthecostume asked: What do you think is the most important thing for a writer to remember when trying to write a diverse cast of characters?
That they’re all individuals who are shaped by their different experiences, but not defined by them. So all of your characters should be different and not stereotypes.
As for writing advice, I’d say talk to as many people with the experiences you’re trying to represent as you can. Listen carefully to what they say and try to incorporate as much of it into the story as you can… but don’t use the story to share your own views for groups you don’t belong to.
A post for straight people thinking about writing bi characters
If you’re writing a character with on-screen interest in more than one gender – I’m leaving this open-ended instead of saying “if you’re writing a bi character” because of how infrequently what is basically bisexual representation is actually labeled as such within canon — and for plot reasons, you want them to be:
- Flaky and unreliable and flighty, please have at least one other multi-gender-attracted character who is reliable and steady and can be counted on
- Ravenously hungry for sex, more so than your straight, lesbian, and gay characters, please have at least one other multi-gender-attracted character whose sex drive is not one of the defining features of their characterization
- Untrustworthy, hedonistic, destructive, or evil, please have at least one other multi-gender-attracted character who is a good egg
- A teenaged girl who eventually decides her same-sex attraction was just part of her wild youth or was doing it for attention, please have at least one other multi-gender-attracted teenaged girl who stays that way
In other words, I’m not saying that we bisexuals (and pansexuals and polysexuals) are never flaky, never decide we aren’t really bi enough, never have overactive sex drives, or are ever evil. But here’s the thing. Straight (and gay and lesbian) people can be all of those first three things, too, and many of us are not. Yet they’re overrepresented when it comes to bisexual representation. As for that fourth thing, while it’s totally okay to be a teenaged girl who tries out various identities and eventually decide on straight, plenty of teenaged girls continue their attraction to women for the rest of their lives and get disrespected and disbelieved because of how prevalent the trope is.
Anyway, having a contrasting character who doesn’t fit destructive tropes can help mollify some of the negative effect of having them in the first place, if you absolutely must.
(Honestly, though, at this point they’re so overrepresented that I’d love it if people could just take this whole list as a “let’s not.”)
One thing I’ve found that many allosexuals have a difficult time comprehending is the concept of intimacy outside of sex; or rather how an asexual or aromantic individual can maintain (and find fulfilling) a partnership where affection isn’t ever expressed in a sexual manner. So, because I am asked about this quite often by those outside of the asexual and aromantic communities, I’d like to make a quick post detailing some examples of non-sexual intimate acts and partnerships.
Forgive me if I’ve missed anything.
Anonymous asked: Okay, so I've been writing this story for a few months now. It was really great at first, I wrote 1-2 chapters a day! My gears were turning like crazy and everything flowed into words perfectly. Now, I about 18 chapters in and SO BLOCKED UP. I've tried to write every day for a month, but I just can't seem to do it. Should I wait this block out, or should I just close this story up until I have inspiration? Or do I just give it a shity ending and cal it a day...? HELP!
A couple things to try:
- If you’re writing in order, try jumping around your story a bit. Sometimes escaping the linear confines of going chapter to chapter can help refresh your mind.
- Get some writing prompts and write based on your characters/story from those prompts a bit. Don’t do it with the intention of keeping it, but as an exercise in getting to know your characters and your world a bit more. Sometimes putting your story and/or characters in a completely different scenario can reignite ideas and drive for the actual plot you envisioned, or give you a new direction.
- Remember that this is just a draft. You will be going back to edit it. Sometimes you just have to write through it, knowing it’s crap, just to get to the end. Then, let it sit for a while, a few weeks or even months, and then go back to the story. Sometimes fresh eyes after a break is all you need.
Hope these help!